TITUS RAM TEST DRIVE

[emperorofthieves]

PROMPTS

1) A thief in the night. You're sleeping peacefully, when suddenly you're awoken by the faint sound of rustling. It's quiet, so it could just be the wind, or perhaps you've a pet that's making the rounds? Surely that's it. Yes, you had better go back to sleep and ignore the shadow that moves across your bedroom, searching for wherever you keep your valuables.

2) Backed into a corner. One wrong turn, and you found yourself down a dark alleyway with three--no, four men pointing daggers at you, one of them gesturing for you to open your coin purse. You're contemplating what to do when a hooded figure comes swinging down into the alley and lands hard on one of the muggers, followed by two daggers thrown at the shoulder and thigh of the other two nearby. Just as you're wondering what happened, more dark figures with knives come rushing into the alleyway. Looks like it's just you and the hooded man against these assailants now.

3) Wildcard. Make up your own scenario!


Note which scenario you're starting with in your comment header! You can message me on plurk at dolphinsdontmoo or on discord @ haeralis#8694.

Comments

[purrtagonist]

[there's a fake bowl of ramen, and a mini-swan boat, and a giant spatula? and in the corner is a light-up replica of the sky twoer]

[Akira pushes himself to his feet and crosses the room, swatting at Titus's hand]

People who don't tell me their names don't get to touch my stuff. Or eat Cafe Leblanc's food.

[emperorofthieves]

[my hand :( he shakes it out]

I'm Titus. Who are you?

[purrtagonist]

[. . . wow, he actually gave a name. is it a real one? Akira side-eyes him for a moment, before. . .]

Akira.

[just a first name (especially one so common) shouldn't hurt]

[emperorofthieves]

Nice to meet ya, Akira.

[he claps a hand down on akira's shoulder]

And nice stuff you got around here. I've never seen some of these things before.

[purrtagonist]

[stiff under Titus's hand, staring up at him with eyes narrowed]

They're not worth anything, if that's what you're asking.

[emperorofthieves]

Hey, don't make such a scary face, I'm not going to take anything if they mean that much to you.

[purrtagonist]

That's going to make everything in this cafe off limits, then.

[because the cafe means that much to him!1]

[emperorofthieves]

Way to make my life even harder.

[but he's grinning, and sizing akira up]

[purrtagonist]

[seems scrawny and lanky! exceedingly average in every way]

Considering I live here, and if anything gets stolen I'll be blamed for it, I think I’m morally obligated to.

[emperorofthieves]

[yes, this is surely an average boy]

Got it. I know what some of this stuff is, but there's a lot that's...

[waves his hand]

[purrtagonist]

[an extremely average boy with nothing strange about him whatsoever]

[also rrrraises a brow]

A lot that's what?

[emperorofthieves]

Totally weird. Like, is this food or not?

[points at the fake ramen bowl]

And that little light box thing--

[points at akira's smart phone]

What even is that? You collect some pretty weird stuff.

[purrtagonist]

. . .

[holds up. . . his phone???]

Iiiiiit's a smart phone?

[who. doesn't know. what a smart phone is??]

[emperorofthieves]

[this guy, apparently]

Cool.

What's a smart phone.

slides in with a new account

[survivaltricks]

A phone that's smart.

[Akira you li'l shit]

[emperorofthieves]

If it's so smart, can it tell me what it is?

[survivaltricks]

[TIME TO UTILIZE SIRI]

[taps his phone to wake it up, pulls up the voice app, and holds it out to Titus]

Go on. Ask it.

[emperorofthieves]

[squints at it, head jerking back for a second like he's not sure what's supposed to happen]

Uh... what are you, smart phone? Are you a tiny person? Living in a little box?

[survivaltricks]

[the phone dings, before a mechanical voice suddenly chimes through the speakers]

Hmmmm. . . sorry, that's something I really don't know.

For a smart phone, she doesn't really know a lot.

[emperorofthieves]

[addressing the smart phone]

Dunno, huh? D'ya know your name?

[survivaltricks]

My name is Siri. But you knew that already.

Well, I guess you didn't, because I never formally introduced you.

[this is ridiculous]

[emperorofthieves]

Nice to meet you, Siri. I'm Titus. How'd you end up stuck in a little box like this? Do you need help getting out?

[survivaltricks]

Hmmmm. . . sorry, that's something I really don't know.

[in the exact same cadence as earlier]

[emperorofthieves]

[addressing akira, COMPLETELY GENUINE]

Poor kid. Hard life, not knowing anything about yourself. How'd you end up with her?

[survivaltricks]

[Akira almost feels kind of bad about this. . . . . . . except then he remembers this guy broke into Leblanc with the intention of STEALING SOMETHING and all guilt flies out the window]

I bought her from an electronics store.

[that sounds awful when they're talking about Siri as though she's a real person and not just an AI]