TITUS RAM TEST DRIVE

[emperorofthieves]

PROMPTS

1) A thief in the night. You're sleeping peacefully, when suddenly you're awoken by the faint sound of rustling. It's quiet, so it could just be the wind, or perhaps you've a pet that's making the rounds? Surely that's it. Yes, you had better go back to sleep and ignore the shadow that moves across your bedroom, searching for wherever you keep your valuables.

2) Backed into a corner. One wrong turn, and you found yourself down a dark alleyway with three--no, four men pointing daggers at you, one of them gesturing for you to open your coin purse. You're contemplating what to do when a hooded figure comes swinging down into the alley and lands hard on one of the muggers, followed by two daggers thrown at the shoulder and thigh of the other two nearby. Just as you're wondering what happened, more dark figures with knives come rushing into the alleyway. Looks like it's just you and the hooded man against these assailants now.

3) Wildcard. Make up your own scenario!


Note which scenario you're starting with in your comment header! You can message me on plurk at dolphinsdontmoo or on discord @ haeralis#8694.

Comments

[purrtagonist]

[stiff under Titus's hand, staring up at him with eyes narrowed]

They're not worth anything, if that's what you're asking.

[emperorofthieves]

Hey, don't make such a scary face, I'm not going to take anything if they mean that much to you.

[purrtagonist]

That's going to make everything in this cafe off limits, then.

[because the cafe means that much to him!1]

[emperorofthieves]

Way to make my life even harder.

[but he's grinning, and sizing akira up]

[purrtagonist]

[seems scrawny and lanky! exceedingly average in every way]

Considering I live here, and if anything gets stolen I'll be blamed for it, I think I’m morally obligated to.

[emperorofthieves]

[yes, this is surely an average boy]

Got it. I know what some of this stuff is, but there's a lot that's...

[waves his hand]

[purrtagonist]

[an extremely average boy with nothing strange about him whatsoever]

[also rrrraises a brow]

A lot that's what?

[emperorofthieves]

Totally weird. Like, is this food or not?

[points at the fake ramen bowl]

And that little light box thing--

[points at akira's smart phone]

What even is that? You collect some pretty weird stuff.

[purrtagonist]

. . .

[holds up. . . his phone???]

Iiiiiit's a smart phone?

[who. doesn't know. what a smart phone is??]

[emperorofthieves]

[this guy, apparently]

Cool.

What's a smart phone.

slides in with a new account

[survivaltricks]

A phone that's smart.

[Akira you li'l shit]

[emperorofthieves]

If it's so smart, can it tell me what it is?

[survivaltricks]

[TIME TO UTILIZE SIRI]

[taps his phone to wake it up, pulls up the voice app, and holds it out to Titus]

Go on. Ask it.

[emperorofthieves]

[squints at it, head jerking back for a second like he's not sure what's supposed to happen]

Uh... what are you, smart phone? Are you a tiny person? Living in a little box?

[survivaltricks]

[the phone dings, before a mechanical voice suddenly chimes through the speakers]

Hmmmm. . . sorry, that's something I really don't know.

For a smart phone, she doesn't really know a lot.

[emperorofthieves]

[addressing the smart phone]

Dunno, huh? D'ya know your name?

[survivaltricks]

My name is Siri. But you knew that already.

Well, I guess you didn't, because I never formally introduced you.

[this is ridiculous]

[emperorofthieves]

Nice to meet you, Siri. I'm Titus. How'd you end up stuck in a little box like this? Do you need help getting out?

[survivaltricks]

Hmmmm. . . sorry, that's something I really don't know.

[in the exact same cadence as earlier]

[emperorofthieves]

[addressing akira, COMPLETELY GENUINE]

Poor kid. Hard life, not knowing anything about yourself. How'd you end up with her?

[survivaltricks]

[Akira almost feels kind of bad about this. . . . . . . except then he remembers this guy broke into Leblanc with the intention of STEALING SOMETHING and all guilt flies out the window]

I bought her from an electronics store.

[that sounds awful when they're talking about Siri as though she's a real person and not just an AI]

[emperorofthieves]

[yeah uh

he's grabbing akira by the collar with venom in his eye]

You got ten seconds to convince me you aren't holding a slave in your hand before I throw you out that window.

[THIS IS SO... RIDICULOUS...]

[survivaltricks]

[oH MY GOD]

Hey, calm down. . .!

[stiffening on instinct, immediately grabbing at his own collar and trying to yank back]

It's a phone. An electronic device. A machine, not a real person with thoughts or feelings. What kind of place do you come from where you don't even know what phones are?

[this is what Akira gets for making himself sound like a slave trader :/ :/ :/]

[emperorofthieves]

[titus peers at him for a moment before letting go, and crossing his arms]

Fine. I'll believe you for now.

[he lets out a deep sigh]

Look, I know I'm not the smartest person around, but I feel like even Messiah or August would have a hard time understanding what you're saying.

[survivaltricks]

[jerks back once he's let go, just to put some space between him and Titus, before he eyes the thief with a careful, even expression]

[. . . any guy who reacts like that at the mere thought of owning slaves can't be that bad, thief or not. . . right?]

[. . .]

Come on. Let's go downstairs.

[and he brushes past Titus towards the stairwell, pocketing his phone in the process]